Naijahusband vs Highlandblue: The Rejoinder

You might want to read this first.

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Good evening listeners and viewers at home. Good day Mr moderator, impartial panel of judges, esteemed co-debaters and members of the general public.

I am here to argue for the motion that Naijahusband and Highlandblue are one and the same. It is hoped that my appeal to your higher rational faculties will be as succint as it is comprehensive.

The fact that most people are what they tweet is among the most absurd arguments ever to grace this revered podium. It is easily demonstrated that most people live boring lives and come on Twitter to find expression for their otherwise inhibited selves. The appeal to anonymity is a strong one, giving lesser mortals the opportunity to freely express views that would be frowned upon based on their perceived social status. It is true that people may be their tweets but this persona has as much bearing on the projected real life characters of those behind the Twitter handles as the shadow of a man has on the colour of his apparel and the countenance of his visage.

What I am saying is, it is very possible for one person to hurriedly project a quiet, real life introvert for a few uncomfortable minutes as Naijahusband and then log into his other account to tweet freely without fear and favour, as Uncle Efe is wont to do.

The overwhelming similarities between Naijahusband and Highlandblue have already been alluded to by my opponent. I will attempt to reveal the holes in my opponent’s reasoning with a few considerations of common sense.

Uncle Efe once tweeted regularly about Woji traffic especially in his single days. However, such complaints have all but ceased in the last five months, suggesting he may have moved to some new traffic free location. Coincidentally, the time of this move coincides with the birth of the Naijahusband persona in the Twitterverse and the Blogosphere. Do you still stubbornly believe in coincidences? I urge you to reconsider.

The difference in writing style between Naijahusband and Highlandblue is not even present. Uncle Efe owns a blog he hardly writes on, often instead provoking others to write in special series that run almost the entire year while he chips in his quiet footnotes and advice with little interference. The gentleness of both Highlandblue and Naijahusband is another so-called coincidence. To further buttress this point, the few times Uncle Efe has written on other blog series, notably on the Naked Convos, his stories have been deep, reflective ones (citation, Colour Purple in the monologues, Banga Soup in the Pounded Yam series, and Envy in Sins of the Father.) The odd sprinkling of understated humour is a mark of Highlandblue and Naijahusband, visible to even the most inelegant students of literature. Besides, could it be that Highlandblue hardly writes on his blog because he fully applies his literary skills on Naijahusband?

My opponent alluded to the fact that Uncle Efe may be an avid computer game lover, a football enthusiast and a strongly masculine engager of men. This is her description of a handle that many people sometimes mistake as female! I challenge her to cite a single tweet of Uncle Efe or a single picture or screen shot of Uncle Efe’s so-called computer games. She will even be at pains to name his favorite football club in the Premier League! From all tweet indications, Uncle Efe loves Tinsel, Fashion Police, Masterchef and America’s Next Top Model, most likely due to the extreme pressure of the assertive Naijawife.

The clincher for my argument is the persona of Naijawife herself. Being an expressive and outspoken woman, she may be loathe to operate two Twitter accounts as her husband does, preferring instead to be true to her offline extrovert personality. After all, an already outspoken person in real life would not need to have an outspoken outlet in form of a second Twitter account. While we might meet Uncle Efe offline and find him to be a quiet smiling Naijahusband, it is almost certain Naijawife will have an offline personality exactly as her tweets portray. The fact that Uncle Efe hardly tweets about his wife, despite the fact that he is happily married, might just be because he is already tweeting about her, but in the name of Naijahusband!!!!

I hope with these few points of mine I have laid to rest the debate and proven to all and sundry that Uncle Efe and Naijahusband are one and the same person.

Thank you for listening.

Naijahusband vs. Highlandblue

So many people have asked me if I’m Naijahusband. Well, Eloho my friend thinks it’s absurd that anyone would think so. Here’s her argument. Enjoy

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Good day Mr Moderator, Panel of Judges, Accurate Time Keeper, My Esteemed Readers and my very able co debaters, I am here today to argue against the motion that “Naijahusband (NH) is the same person as Uncle Efe.

Whilst not a few people on these WordPress and Twitter streets have put forward several propositions, adducing to the fact that NH and Uncle Efe are one and the same person, for reasons I am about to present herewith, I wish to present a contrary position and I hope that at the end of my summation, I would have been able to present a superior argument as to how both persons are not one and the same and convinced us all to adopt this superior argument as well.

I am quite aware that some persons maintain well-managed Twitter persona, contrary to their real offline personalities and are able to present oftentimes unconnected projections of themselves to other tweeps with whom they carry out consistent interactions. But I opine that the skill is quite rare and with time, one is actually what they tweet.The tweets convey some weight, and a reflection to some extent of who the handlers really are. It may be very well managed as has been discovered around here in recent times, but to a large extent, over a measured period, each individual is their tweet/blog posts.

I assert that Uncle Efe is not Naijahusband for the following reasons

First, Uncle Efe is clearly of the Niger Delta extraction, first by reason of his name and then by reason of his expression and background to which he adduces quite often. He is someone who likely was schooled somewhere in the ‘Bendel’ region. Naijahusband is clearly of the Yoruba extraction and NaijaWife (NW) adduced to same without any equivocation in her post ‘In Sickness and in Health’ . It is unlikely that NH has spent much time in the Bendel zone.

Secondly, Uncle Efe resides in the Oil City of Port Harcourt as his traffic analysis via his tweets would reveal. NH likely resides in Abuja, seeing as his posts never seem to reflect the bustle of Lagos and considering that it takes him relatively few minutes to get to work as is reflected in his Shower post.

Thirdly, Uncle Efe is a more extroverted character, often times introducing conversations or being involved in conversations with an effervescent personality. NH is more introverted, deep and introspective as his tweets and posts reveal.

Fourthly, NH is rarely on the Twitter street corners, and when he is there, he is deliberate, responds to a few tweets and appears as though he can’t wait to sign out and meet his friends via his blog. Uncle Efe is here sometimes from early in the day and has a very visible twitter presence. He creates conversations from random tweets and tweets during the day. A rarity for NH except when there is a new post.

NH is clearly not a very ‘whatsup’ guy. He may not know who the latest star on the streets is and like NaijaWife’s tweets present,  he is very comfortable knowing some things last especially where they concern random events like a movie star or a pop star. Uncle Efe is clearly more hands on as definitely reflected in his tweets. Uncle Efe may be a PS4 playing guy who has no challenge spending some time taking on another guy playing games. NH may likely be the footie watching, no games guy.

On another note, clearly, Uncle Efe and NH both share aligned family values amidst other very admirable traits which are likely premises for the position of my opposition, but their language is very different. NH is formal oftentimes with a dash of rich humour whilst Uncle Efe is consistently more informal and vivacious on twitter. NH is way more expressive behind the lines that his posts present; shinning the most through his posts whilst NW reflects a more public facing tweet persona for the streets.

I hope with these very few points of mine, I have been able to convince and not confuse you that NH and Uncle Efe are not one and the same person, on twitter or off twitter.

Thank you.

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Any opposing arguments? LOL

There may be a rejoinder argument to this later today or tomorrow 🙂

Tell Me (Life test questions)

Life sets the test questions, I sit back and grade your scores

There’s the test of money. How long does money stay in your hand? Does it flee or does it come to you?

There’s the test of caring. Yes you care for me but is that your nature or you just doing a business transaction?

There’s the test of we against the world. If everyone in the world was against me and I was honestly innocent, would you stand by me?

There’s the test of physical attraction. Can your body talk to my body and we have an organic interaction full of soul?

There’s the test of maturity. What does external pressure do to you? Bring out the best or the worst?

There’s the test of stayability and finishability. Do you finish your long term projects or you keep finding new short term ones? Cos we in this for the long haul

There’s the communication test too. When we fight, can you still understand what I’m saying or you blank out and lash out wildly?

There’s the independence test. You have a mind of your own or you just do what makes your parents, friends and family happy? Cos it’s hard enough being with you. I don’t want to be with the entire village

There’s the test of caution. Can you call me to order when I’m making a wrong decision? Cos I do make a lot of those

There’s the homemaker test. Can you run a home? Like supplies, logistics, bills, comfort, security and peace of mind?

There’s the test of adventure. If I wanted to go exploring, would you join me or discourage me for no valid reason?

There’s the emotional attraction test. Will you tell me all you feel and let me in or you’d say you’re fine when you’re not?

There’s the friends test. Who are your friends? Are they kind, successful and willing to help? Or parasites and bad influences? Cos I ain’t choosing your friends or controlling who you talk to. I just gotta guard the entrance to my life kingdom, thank you.

There’s the ambition test. Are you just settled for the mediocre? Or do you have a dream?

There’s the God-fearing test. If you were absolutely sure nobody was looking or would find out, who would you be?

Eleven Months Like Christmas

I’m reblogging this from the Naked Convos here. I think it’s an important Christmas reminder. Enjoy and act

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Eleven Months like Christmas
A grungy look, the dust sprinkles on my neatly packed hair
Runny nose and crack lips follow suit
What a season!
Yeah, it’s Christmas

Moisturizer, check
Lip gloss, check
Lip balm
*sigh check

The season is dear to the hearts of many
Not just because it’s the end of the year
But because it’s the time thanks are showered on those who made the year great
We appreciate the gift of generosity bestowed on us by everyone

A kid has many wishes
I know it may seem too much to ask for
But all I want for Christmas
Is not just gorgeous pleated Louis Vuitton

NO! It’s not just an overflowing food store to guarantee that I don’t starve
It’s not just an academic sponsorship to a University of my dreams
It’s not just to have my home’s bank account grinning with enough
It’s not just a new school bag or school books, even though I need those…

All I want is that I’m remembered not only during festive seasons
Is that the love, charity and care of December spill from the first month to the Eleventh
That the warm embrace extends beyond open arms to available arms
In thoughts, I seek to be remembered

I need YOU as a guide in February
One to celebrate me when I’m crowned with success in August
One to hold me in June and whisper: “It’s alright… Ruth”
All I want for Christmas is YOU, you, and you.

My name is… Idada Ruth, I’m an orphan in September too.

(Compiled by @McBethThePoet, @segunAyoade, @toluOloruntoba and Old-Rugged)

Adapted and Read at the Christmas Charity Concert, Ibadan by Idada Ruth, an orphan at the Jesus Children Mission, Bodija (08033843762)

I Wanted To Learn

Please enjoy this poem by Eghe (@Euphoria411). Thought too hard for an intro but couldn’t find any.

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I wanted to learn and so went to school
Graduated and wanted to serve my Fathers’Land
But my accent got in the way
Guess this six feet under won’t judge me.

I wanted to learn and so went to school
Graduated and made my folks proud Alas!
So many potholes stood between us
“Yeee Oga driver look out!!!!” GBOOM

I wanted to learn and so went to school
Didn’t know I would lose my home
Please tell me its not true
That a great flood has washed away my history

I wanted to learn and so went to school
But ‘men-in-uniform’ chased me away
Do they mean my Dad is a fool
Since my tuition he couldn’t pay On time?

I wanted to learn and so went to school
Got involved in politics for positive change
But got my blood flowing in a pool
Guess I was in the marksman’s range.

I wanted to learn and so went to school
But I got bruised and smashed up
Stripped naked,bludgeoned and pummelled
I lost strength as my life flashed by
The crowd was jeering while I was roasting alive
They felt ‘cool’ while I was burning.

But I wanted to learn in Nigeria

I just wanted to learn

Dedicated to student victims of Nigerian society

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The remembrance procession for the four UNIPORT students killed in the Aluu communities was held tonight. Say a prayer for our Nigerian students.

The I Miss You series continues tomorrow.

Why Do People Cheat?

Bolouere (@Boluxxxx) wants to talk about why people cheat. I’m interested in this conversation. So let’s kick it off

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This is an age-long question I like to categorise with other near unanswerable questions like “when will Jesus come?” “What do women want? Etc. Anyways, I sincerely don’t think there is an absolute answer for this particular question. I”ll just play around with illustrations and let’s see if we can come close to something . I’ve got 3
1. My former neighbours  Papa and Mama Tari had been married for 10 years then relocated to the US. One day, while shopping, mama Tari got a vibrator. Unknown to papa Tari, mama Tari had never had a real orgasm with him and had faked it throughout their marriage. As time went on , mama Tari got into her new toy and became really addicted. How we heard the matter was that papa Tari (whom I still hear mama Tari couldn’t tell he had poor bed skills) wanted a divorce. His point was, she had become addicted to her toy, used it all the time and till she forgot to do duties round the house as regards the kids and himself (sex included). Bottomline was that she was cheating(with a vibrator).
2. Mr Gbadamosi who was a very wealthy stark illiterate got married. He and his wife didn’t have any kids after 4 years and after bowing to pressure, he got a new wife and eventually another who both bore him 6 kids. One day Mr Gbadamosi(who loved his first wife very dearly still) decided to follow her for a fertility test and decided to take the test too to humour himself. The results were sent to madam since oga was illiterate. It turned out that oga was impotent. Madam quietly hid the results. One year later they threw a lavish party to welcome madam’s first child, God’s miracle to her after many years of waiting etc. She sha cheated. We know why.
3.  This happened while I was in the university. I had this friend who was just mean to his girlfriend. He beat her up occasionally too. I knew for a fact he loved her like real hard so I couldn’t get why he was so harsh. One day I summoned courage and asked him why. Here was the reason. They met in 200level, practically lived together in school, were inseparable and well known as a couple. She actually lived in Abuja and we were in UniBen but she had to be at home every weekend. Ordinarily she would have done road trips but he didn’t want his baby stressed so he paid her air fares almost every weekend for close to 2years. That’s about 60k almost every weekend. Anyhow, somehow he found out after a certain matter and nosy friends input (long story) that she was actually not going home all those weekends. She had a FIANCE in Abuja. So he was side boyfriend sef. This was cheating. Why?
In two out of these three cool tales, the women actually had reasons for cheating. The third girl didn’t have any reason to. For a long while, my take on cheating was that people only did when they weren’t contented or fulfilled in their relationship but as I observed further, I noticed some other people who had terrible relationships stayed faithful simply because they chose to or due to morals, ethics, whatever. Some others that seem to get all the good stuff a person could wish for in relationships still cheat. I know there’s a whole lot of answers and opinions but no absolutes especially because no two kinds of people or  relationships are alike.  All the same, let’s hear your take.

Why do you think people cheat? If you ever cheated on your significant other, what would be your possible story/reason?

Semi-Rant: Dear Girls

Bolouere (@Boluxxxx) has a point to make about keeping to the terms of the contract.
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Code name; B.

B- Buxom, Bombshell, Brilliant, Boss, Buoyant, Brassy, etc. Did I just describe Beyonce? Naaa, that’s a B-word too. **chuckles**

I’ve been in constant reverie recently inspired by events, happenings, doings, occurrences played out by females around me and I have decided that we girls are responsible for our troubles, drama and heartbreak.

I have this friend who had been in the process of setting a certain P for months. He was gonna be in some state in the Niger-delta region for christmas where “Miss P” is resident and yes they planned a hook up. Twas gon be sex, fun and games agreed. As his guy (yea I’m dyke in attitude), he gave me the gist as things went on. They hooked up, did all the had planned to, and finally had sex on christmas eve. Anyway’s he pinged me on christmas morning and goes ” Bee, she wants ‘talk’.”. In my mind I’m like “ghen-ghen, my guy don enter wahala”. We went on chatting and about ten minutes later I’m like “is she still talking”? He replied “yes”. I’m thinking WTF!!! Imagine me having a heart-to-heart convo, the “talk” with a dude and he stays chatting on his phone, that’s all the answer I need. (Well, that’s me). All the same, the summary of Miss P’s talk was; define this relationship. My friend’s reply was, we have a good thing going (sex) let’s not mess it up by starting something else. LoooOoool.

Fastfoward two days, he sends me a voice note he got from her. She cried on it, declared her love for him and said she felt used. See something oh!! Whose fault is it you caught feelings during an event that stated “strictly setting P”. He’s like “Bee what do u think?” My verdict; she probably likes you, wants a relationship, is automatically suffering from low self esteem because she f**ked you (dumb) and crying on a voice note, that’s simply a symptom that’s she’s a mildly psychotic chick (topic for another post). My guy, RUN. He did run.

Back to being responsible for our troubles as girls, much to my awareness, most guys don’t lie about their “wants” these days. It also doesn’t hurt to ask a guy what his intentions are if he suddenly starts paying you plenty attention. If he says he wants to shag, he means it oh. It’s left for you as the chick to decide whether you can do just that or not. Going into sh*t like that thinking he might have a change of heart and wife you is very unlikely and major self deception especially if he was bold enough to state that all he wants is sex. Yes we are human, yes we can’t help but fall for people at times. But he was bold enough to say, just sex, and that’s all there might ever be to it whatever you do. If you catch feelings, I’d love to say OYO but I’m nice so I’ll say DEAL WITH IT. And by dealing with it I didn’t say go and bombard peeople’s TL’s with irritatingly philosophical tweets like “why do bad things happen to good people” or “treat girls the way you want your sisters to be treated”. Personally I hate seeing such on my TL. It can drive me to mentioning you to amadioha and his strike is more painful than ASUU’s trust me. Get a grip, go about it in a mature manner. If it gets too hard, talk to pals or axe ya mummy for tips. *kidding**

My point (despite not being a feminist or softie) is, I think we as girls have what it takes to run the world and handle situations. If only we would man-up (ironic**sighs**) shun pettiness and do just that.

Dear girls, we are beautiful and have more power than we realise. Stop throwing blame flames at guys and hosting pity parties when things come up. Let’s learn to tell the truth to ourselves about situations and act accordingly not ruling out facts and reality.

More importantly, run YOUR world! Safe!!!