Dusk: Tomilayo

I never thought I’d do this, but here goes..

January

     I started the year very frustrated. My lecturer wouldn’t just leave me alone! This man sent me out of class four times so I’d miss the 80% limit for attendance and not have scores for that course. All this because I refused his advances. There was no way I could have reported because I was at fault on those occasions (no i.d card, was talking while he was teaching, etc.). I cried everyday. I was confused. Anyways my exams came and they were very easy. Thank God.

February

My father screamed my name at 11pm one night. They had just sent my result to him. “Why do you have 18% in this course, didnt you write exams?” I had nothing tangible to say. I couldn’t tell him the truth. I had never seen my dad so angry in my entire life. My night was ruined, I was up all night crying and blaming God for everything.

March

Finally resumed school for the second semester. I started having problems with my friends, I got angry with them for no reason at all. I’d insult them at the slightest provocation. I was frustrated. They were going to graduate in a few months. I wasn’t.

April

The first chapter of my project finally got approved after several months. I was so happy. Then I strolled into my next class only to find out Mrs A wasn’t the one in the class, it was “Mr lecturer”. He sent me out of the class again because I was late. I was confused. I later learnt that he would be the one taking the course because Mrs A left the school for reasons no student knew. I was so angry, I told myself that I wasn’t going for any of his classes again. And I did it.

All this while, my friends didn’t know what was going on, it’s just my secretive nature. I couldn’t stand be jugded, I didn’t know what would go through their heads if I did tell them. So I kept quiet. I would just pour my frustrations out on them and after trying to make me go to class several times, they left me alone.

May

I was alone. I needed to talk to someone, but I just couldn’t. Then I met a friend. He was like an angel, he knew how to make me laugh even when i was angry. We’d go on and on talking about nothing in particular till late at night. I got so attached to him in less than one month. He was so different but as usual, as the stress of mr lecturer got worse, I started taking out my frustrations on him too.

June

What I was most scared of happened: he started withdrawing; he got tired i guess. For the first time ever, I begged. I couldn’t stand losing the only friend I had, how was I going to do it? Where was I going to start from? Who would tease me and call me sweet names just to make me laugh? The good morning messages, all of that? Then I realised I had already fallen for him. I was totally unravelled.

I had exams in a couple of days. I cried a lot while studying, went about my exams with such a lackadaisical attitude. For Christ sake I was heart broken! Midway into my final paper, the invigilator called out my name “You had 20% attendance, submit your paper and leave the hall now.” Ehn?! I thought I was going to die, I don’t know i managed to walk back to my hostel till today.

July

Holiday..my mom had had enough of me. I was rude to her every other day. I bailed out on chores and just stayed in my room the whole time ignoring everyone. Then the text message on results came again. This time I wasn’t suprised. My father didn’t even have to give me any look, he told me outright “you are a disappointment”.

August

I tried that praying thing again. But it didn’t work. Everytime i got on my knees to pray, I ended up crying, saying nothing at all. I cried because I had disappointed my parents, because I lost the ones who cared about me, because nothing was going the way I planned it. I cried because I was alone.

September and October

My extra year had started, I was ashamed at first. But I had to be strong. God helped me. Sometime in october, my birthday precisely, I met my birthday mate :D. Then Goodnews. Mr lecturer had left my school because my school is moving to a permanent site! Whoop!

November and December

I reconnected with an old friend. She told me that after she graduated, she lost her dad and her mom didn’t have a job so they couldn’t her brother’s fees in a private school, so he had to forgo his admission. They also couldn’t pay their rent and had to move to her grandmothers place.

And there I had been, crying and being ungrateful; I didn’t even see the blessings I have. A family. I have parents who can afford to pay my school fees and even an extra year which is not exactly cheap. I had instead let my anger and frustrations get the better part of me. I was ashamed.

I had to thank God there and then for everything, the extra year, the ulcer, the keloid on my ear, the friends that left me. Most of all, for second chances. I also prayed for that ability to remain thankful even in difficult situations. Because like the Bible said in Romans 8:28 “All things work together for the good of those who love God who have been called according to his purpose..” and he has assured me in Isaiah 9:1 that “there will be no more gloom for those in distress”.

  So 2014, I am ready.

=======================

You see, you’ve solved half the problems of 2013 already. I do hope 2014 is the springboard for the rest of your hopefully successful life. Go girl!

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5 thoughts on “Dusk: Tomilayo

  1. I always thought there was no longer sexual harassment in Nigerian schools. I’m so sorry though that it happened to you. But you became stronger, and I’m proud that you made the realizations you did.

  2. Ute says:

    I like this a lot. The beginning, the middle, the end, the progression. It made me happy for some reason. I’m sitting in front of my computer, happy I read it. 😀

    Happy 2014.

  3. Nenume says:

    Sexual harassment In RUN? Which lecturer?

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