Dusk: Ibukun

If I had to describe 2013 in one word, it would be “scary” because for the most part it was. In school, I struggled through Haydn piano pieces working my heart out then I’d have a nervous breakdown on exam day right in front of these professors that breathe in Mozart and Vivaldi. Even though Dr Albert  endlessly teases me about sounding like Rihanna (in the Classical music world this is far from a compliment) he still places Handel and Webber pieces into my waiting palms only to watch me crumble into a bumbling contemporary soprano on performance day (with a sinister smile on his face). Orchestra classes playing the violin were a lot easier as Dr Stephen was always on my team urging me on even on the days my fingers collided and my shoulders sagged, even on the days I couldn’t read the notes on the sheets fast enough. The one thing I can lay firm claim to, re: school, is my A in music theory class proving my theory that books are a lot more merciful than instruments.

Then there was this conversation with Tomi about love, tears and everything unfair where she told me “Maybe you need to stop looking—stop getting ideas” and all I could do was take another bite of a burger that tasted like rubber because it’s difficult for this recovering hedonist and unrepentantly shameless romantic to stop looking for a strong arm, kiss on the forehead, long walks and dreamy laughter. It’s difficult to forgive Ola for not loving me in the way that I hoped he would but I do and after crying so hard I thought I would die in a claustrophobic bathroom, I forgive Ore and I forgive myself too and I learn to stop looking and for the first time in my life I start enjoying my own company, singing awkwardly high notes in the shower, throw out my relaxer, start running, putting make-up on, fussing over nail polish, drinking a little too much coffee, laughing hard and swimming in the ocean of grace that is God’s. Letting His more than enough love be enough for me…

Since the ASUU strike began, I’ve been managing content for a site and being the CEO’s assistant (it’s not glamorous or anything, trust me). Recently I took on another job writing 3 times a week for a magazine. Blogging, watching sappy movies, swimming, meeting up with friends, studying my Bible the few times I am not fagged out. I love it, my life, the richness of it (it’s NOT perfect AT ALL) and the simple pleasures of Google Hangouts with amazing people like Robbrecht who believe in me even when I don’t believe in myself, girls like Tomi, Kovie, and Moyin who are crazy enough to be friends with me, even the oddballs like wandering Bankole who really listens to me voice my insecurities about my music and doesn’t just pat me on the back with the usual “You’ll be fine” or “You’ll figure it out somehow”

I’m looking forward to 2014: fresh starts, less fear, more love of God and people so that at the end of the year when it’s time to sum it up in one word, that one word will be “adventurous”.

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Ibukun…. the very name is musical (I would love to hear it played on a talking drum lol) Thank you for blessing us with your short music score tonight. 

Today we had a bit of light/short posts. Kinda like the half time rest for the month. If you haven’t caught up, you can read the rest of the 2013 reviews so far HERE. See you tomorrow 🙂

Day 19: Emmanuel

‘I want to live for the moments, that are gone before we’re thinking about them, singing this cause we’d be nothing without them, and this is my anthem’- My Anthem- Christina Grimmie.

The mind is a curious thing, we link important events to songs, memories, colors, odors, as though anchoring them, not unlike how we tie down a helium balloon, or a ship so they don’t drift away and get lost amidst waves of the thousands of relatively less significant events we slug through to the next defining moment. So allow me to dredge up my anchors here, temporarily.

You caught me guilty, taking the pieces of you…’ – No Room For Doubt- Lianne La Havas

Nothing like a messy situationship to start the year. I paid with depression and a week of absences but an introduction to self-love was worth it.

Bitch, I’m grown’- Grown Woman- Beyoncé Gisele Knowles Carter

I’d been waiting for this day for as long as I can remember but midnight on the 21st of May didn’t feel any different from an hour, or 17 years earlier. It was telling, I guess, because then I decided I’d have to make the changes I wanted to see, from bigger goals like an A in Pathophysiology (which I achieved, quite easily, hold your applause) to smaller ones like calling my momma more often (baby steps, lol, baby steps).

Don’t tell me my youth is running out, it’s only just begun’ Youth- Foxes

The most debaucherous of summers. I’m surprised, yet grateful that I walked away unscathed, albeit with a trail of destruction behind. Whirlwind romances, a little trouble with the law. I saw a dark side to my family, particularly my extended family, saw a more human side to the parents, appreciate them a little more. I suppose I’ll have to work on my relationship with my family eventually, but again, baby steps.

Avant Grade by Lanvin- sinful, just sinful.

Withdraw- Kimbra

I found myself having to leave behind someone who for the first time in a while I didn’t want to.

We long for freedom, for freedom, You’re free but in your mind, your freedom’s in a bind” Many Moons- Janelle Monae.

I became something of a secular humanist this year, though I despise that term. I’d rather call it just being more… human. Giving people free rein to be whatever and whoever they want, recognizing and avoiding prejudices etc. Basically attempting to treat people better, regardless of race, gender, class, religion etc.

If there’s a future we want it now’ Now- Paramore.

I started making concrete plans towards my future, as I say often I’m leaving room to explore various paths, but I know for certain where I don’t want to be in say, five years and that will suffice. And I’m grateful for that choice.

All in all it’s been a pretty uneventful year, just chalking down more lessons, preparing for exams, and reveling in the holidays, and looking forward to a much better year.

Uhm…

Create a playlist of songs that make you happiest.

Instead of getting sad when you fail, get mad.

Girl, leave drunk-texting in 2013. Matter of fact leave getting wasted as a whole, ‘no’? Oh Okay.

Give yourself little gifts every once in a while, who can possibly pamper you better than you?

Listen more.

A teaspoon of black pepper is sufficient, no matter what, just trust me.

Make that mistake, this one time, it may turn out well, but if it doesn’t? You’ll never make it again.

Exercise, drink lots of water, get as much sunshine as possible.

Just stay hopeful.

Here’s to great holidays that’ll leave you happy and constipated, and a much better 2014.

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Emmanuel your story is a joy to read for its simplicity. It’s sha not possible to be your friend without listening to all this music *eye roll* Thank you very much for sharing 🙂