Fake It

All that glitters is not gold. Yes, but gold glitters too, doesn’t it? Sometimes, it has to be polished to let the shine come out. Whether you’ve made it or not, you may still need to fake it in addition.

Inner beauty is valuable but so is outer beauty. How could Moses come closer to the Lord if he didn’t see the burning bush? How will people come close enough to see your inner beauty/character if you have no outer beauty/swag to attract them? In fact, many times people expect you to be something and by living up to their high expectations you may actually surprise yourself and meet those high standards.

See, this swag of a thing goes by many names. Some people call it charisma. Others call it panache. Haters call it playing to the gallery. I call it personal marketing. You can regard your character and inner beauty as the genuine goods, and your swag as the advertisement.

Don’t be staring shamelessly at a lady walking by. Except of course you are using her as an illustration to explain to the heathen the wonders of God’s creation. If you want to check out someone, then use a nearby glass surface to look at the reflection while they walk by. This will make your friends respect you as someone with great self-control.

Don’t be shouting anyhow when you’re angry. Studies show that great leaders are seen as people who are calm under pressure when inflicted personal injury. They reserve their anger for fighting on behalf of the oppressed and downtrodden. Nobody will vote for you if they know you were flexing muscles over your change from the bus conductor yesterday. You know say money no be problem (Interpretation: Allow the money go sometimes and keep your swag). In fact, be magnanimous to your haters. Love your enemies.

Watch how your manager dresses and dress like them. And try not to repeat clothes too much. If people at work can describe you with one particular shirt you have failed. (That tall guy that normally wears a red flower short sleeve… NO!) Pay attention to shining your shoes and making sure your beard is well trimmed (babes with beard please take note as well).

Smart people talk fast and walk fast. Walking fast does not mean running on the road. Walk with class but don’t drag your feet please. The problem with talking fast is if you have no database to draw from you will be speaking nonsense very fast. So at the same time you increase your speaking speed you should read more about world news/current affairs and history so you have something to contribute to discussions. Football, rap and movies are not enough anymore. Neither are fashion and gossip blogs. One last thing on this, it’s not good to talk unless you’re very sure of the answer you’re about to give. It’s better to say you’ve thought about it already and you’re looking into it.

When you dance in the club you have to dance with caution. Brideprice goes down if you shake everything shakeable I can’t explain why this is so. And for the guys, do not raise your hands above your head ever. As a guy you should move your shoulders more than your waist (stop following Kcee and Iyanya, see how razz their names sound even). Let the ladies shake their waist and raise their hands if they want to.

Do your things in a special way. Don’t just blend in with the crowd. As a lady, you can sexify your dressing without being too trashy about it.  Carry a random scarf around your neck or tie it all up tiara style if you feel like. Guys, wear a small hat to work on Fridays sometimes.  I mean, get a walking stick one day just to surprise everyone. Or do one mellow native attire the day just before you go on vacation so everyone remembers you.

So there you have it for now! I have a feeling you guys have many more swag tips so I want to stop here and let you suggest more in the comments box. See y’all tomorrow.

P.S. The views expressed here are solely those of the author and management will not be held responsible for any damages resulting from the application of any of these nuggets of advice.

 

A pretentious, showy life is an empty life; a plain and simple life is a full life. (Prov. 13 vs. 7, The Message)

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21 thoughts on “Fake It

  1. Abigail says:

    LOOOOOOOL. Okay. I’m laughing laughing very hard now…I like totally. see how I have stopped writing just so I an read you everyday…Fanbloodytastic. okay, what was that about talking real fast…LOL

  2. kay says:

    funny u should write about this cos i say it to friends all the time. fake it till u make it then fake some more. all about aspiring to the next level in my opinion.
    i don’t agree with some things but yeah you’re generally on point.

  3. Ebun Oluwole says:

    LOOL. I love this! I feel like someone has finally gotten into my head to write this things out.

  4. Ajoke says:

    “…making sure your beard is well trimmed (babes with beard please take note as well).”

    Noo nau LOL! I just pictured a female Banky W right there with all the beard carving and stuff. 😦
    Who’s looking to pay brideprice in the club anyways. What happens in 1145 stays in 1145 😀

  5. Aarinolaoluwa says:

    1. ” If people at work can describe you with one particular shirt you have failed” Gospel Truth!!
    2, ”Walk with class but don’t drag your feet please” Tell them!!!
    ”Brideprice goes down if you shake everything shakeable” @_@!!! Say Walahi?
    3.”As a lady, you can sexify your dressing without being too trashy about it” PREACH!!!!
    4. ”P.S. The views expressed here are solely those of the author and management will not be held responsible for any damages resulting from the application of any of these nuggets of advice”. LOoooooooool!!

    A pretentious, showy life is an empty life; a plain and simple life is a full life. (Prov. 13 vs. 7, The Message) Hmmmmm..

    Additional Nuggets of Advice:
    Kindly mow your ‘pitlawn’ Nobody likes smelly grass…

    Please invest your salary for month in Perfumery…. People most know that you were in a place long after u have left…

    *Rings Bell* Starve and Invest in Brazilian Hair!!!! That’s what most of them do!!

    • highlandblue says:

      Hahahaha Brazilian hair? Sighs

      • Aarinolaoluwa says:

        Yes Invest! y’all know not all investments are profitable right? Its just so you can join the ‘whip my hair back n forth’ community darrisall!
        And oooh i mustav forgotten
        Learn how to color your face properly! (If you have to)

    • Y1nka says:

      Lol you didn’t even say buy; you said invest!!?! HAHA! & Starve…that’s just struggs.
      Anyway I love this post. It gives a good definition of swag – something very rare – and has a nice, personal twist about it.
      But fam, I cannot emphasize enough how important personal hygiene is. Its part of the reasons people haven’t straffed yet (we all know virgins that want to but can’t because they aren’t confident about the smell of their ….). People should get good body sprays, rool ons, perfumes (if you can’t buy, Bod spray is very, very manageable), and clean up all the privates. I cannot emphasize this enough.

  6. Timiebix says:

    My manager dresses “old” what do I do??
    😛
    Enjoyed this so much that I forgot to comment yesterday 😀
    The song “identify your selling point” comes to mind after reading this!
    It’s all about marketing son!
    Okay I’m out!!

  7. Jk_McDazzles says:

    Lmao..

    Most of what I was thinking about while reading thiswas “suck belle”.. Yes. Tuck in your tommy and hit the gym.. Don’t be telling me about your splendid new life working out and then let your shirt be too unconfortable to sit tucked neatly in your trousers..

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