My friend Bolu came by 19th Street today. (Inspired by a really nice song by Kelly Price with same title.) Enjoy
Pain in my heart
My soul bleeds
I need to free the thoughts in my head
Yes I’m tired
TIRED: Of The Guilty Feelings
Yes I cheated
Don’t blame me
If you were around more often, I won’t have had the space to let it happen. And yea, it kills me. Managing all these guilty feelings.
But I’ll rather leave them at that. Feelings. Of guilt.
TIRED: Of The Sleepless Nights
Tossing. Turning. All night long.
So restless and unsettled.
Awake. A little nervous. It’s quiet. Creepy kinda disturbia. Like a disease in my mind.
I get up, pour myself a drink. It should calm my raging nerves and help settle my thoughts.
My thoughts: where are you at? Who are you with? Are you at a spot we frequent?
These thoughts run through all night. With a pinch of my paranoia. The nights don’t bring me sleep.
TIRED: Of The Baby Mama.
Ghetto. Hood. Street. Ratchet. Whatever.
Calling you at 2am under the guise of reminding your daughter’s medicals are due next month. Next month? Seriously? Tryna piss me off is she?
She’d better get it together. I could bring out my street side and bust a cap in her ass but no.
I”ll rather maintain the class and poise that made your momma love me. Laugh it off and say it’s fine even when it kills me within.
I’m tired of taking it. Baby mama drama. Ugh!
TIRED: Of Faking It
Acting like I’m happy to be hated by the tons of girls dying to be in my shoes.
I’ll rather be without that attention.
I’ll rather be with a regular guy.
Not one who has to be so private because of who he is.
Tired of being wrong and acting right at times when we argue.
All cos I want you to flare and call it off.
I’m tired of behaving like it’s all so under control from my end or pretending I’m not scared of what we’d be 20 years from now.
Why do these thoughts come up? Do they have anything to do with how real we ought to be?
That’s it!!! I’m calling this off at noon when we meet up for lunch. Tick Tock. . .
I pull up at the restaurant and walk in straight up to your table.
I’m greeted by your wonderful smile as you pull out a chair. The gentleman you are.
“How’s my girl doing? The wedding planner called. She needed you to decide what kind of flowers you wanted on the sides of the aisle”. **pause**
You take my hand gently and say in a mellow tone; “your efforts appreciated booboo. I couldn’t have wanted anyone else. Thanks for not giving our love away”
I quickly gulp a mouthful of wine, lean over and kiss you tenderly.
What’s in my head?
Uh Oh! Break-up postponed.
“One ring to rule them all“