I Miss You (Part 9)

I can still remember the days that followed after we met, it was like we’d known each other forever. We talked about everything, time flew when we were together. You were crazily attracted to me and it really amused me then ’cause i wasn’t attracted to you at all. I just really liked you and wanted to be with you every time. I was most comfortable in your company, being with you was like being with myself, you told me you felt the exact same way ’cause at that time you found it difficult to confide in anyone.

As time went on we became the best of friends, inseparable, talking on the phone and texting all the time whenever we weren’t around each other. I had no secrets where you were concerned. Our friendship was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Along the way I noticed that I started developing feelings for you, my body began to want yours, it came with the same force with which our friendship started, I’ve never felt such passion before you and after you. I can still recall the first time we kissed, it was on a friday night, I was hanging out with some friends and you came to see me. Immediately I got into the car, we just started kissing like teenagers. Whenever I was with you it was like we were the only ones on earth.

We evolved from friends to lovers, we saw each other almost everyday, still whenever I saw you again it was like I was seeing you for the first time. Whenever we had a fight it was like my soul was being ripped out of me, I hated fighting with you. You were basically the source of my happiness. I was your rebound and I didn’t care, I just wanted to be with you. I was in love with my bestfriend, the only one on earth that knew everything about me and still loved me anyway. I was beyond happy. But as they say good things never last.

Out of the blue your ex came back and everything changed. Because I knew you so well, I knew I was second best and that wasn’t good enough for me. How could you do such a thing to me? How could you not know you meant everything to me? Didn’t you know how much I loved you? Why didn’t you choose me instead? I thought you were my forever, you made me think I was yours, how could you not see we were meant to be together?

I miss you.

I wanted to be the only girl in the world for you. We were so perfect together, why did she have to come back and ruin our happiness? I even tried to justify why you couldn’t have come after me instead. Maybe I was the only one feeling those things but is that even possible? Whenever we were out together you never wanted to let me go; more often than not we just held hands and enjoyed the silence. We did that countless times. I’ve never met anyone like you till date. It was never just sex with you, we always made love. Can’t even describe the passion I felt for you with words. I thought it was mutual, what went wrong?

I still miss what we had because I unconsciously compare you to every guy I meet and none of them have met your standard. I’m not even sure I want to feel that way again with anyone because after I left, I was literally broken. I have no idea how I survived that. You saw the me no one has seen and it’s still hard to let my guard down with anyone.

I still couldn’t bring myself to hate you or be indifferent about you, somehow I understood, as I always do.

I still love you despite everything but I don’t want you back. So much has changed.

I’m writing this now to let you know how much you meant/mean to me. I’ve never loved anyone like you and even after you, I still think about you and smile, blush and laugh. A part of me wishes we could go back in time and do it all over again, I miss the passion we had. I always saw us together, never imagined you with anyone else or myself without you. My pride was non-existent when we were together. You made me so happy I was ready to believe anything was possible in this world. I still love you totally and completely. No matter how much I try to shut it off, whenever you are around it all comes back. I can’t look into your eyes and deny you anything. You have immunity where I’m concerned.

Oh sod it! I want you back! I want you to be mine again. I want us to do everything we did together and more over again. You are my soulmate. I thought I was over you but writing to you is bringing it all back. But it’s too late, you are getting married to someone else and I have to work on letting you go. I really tried to hate you, you got under my skin and stayed there! Damn you! Why did you have to be so irresistible? Why can’t I be indifferent about you? Why can’t I have you for Christ sake? Why can’t my love be enough? Why????? I don’t even hate how much I love you, I’m powerless to hate it.

I love you. Still.

They say every lover has the one that got away. For me, that would be you.

Ijeoma

==================

The one that got away. Despite all your projections of love and all the green light signals. Sighs

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11 thoughts on “I Miss You (Part 9)

  1. screwability says:

    So naked.

    • edgothboy says:

      Hahahaa!!! Ijeoma, really? You’re the first person to comment on your own post, with your own blog and you’re patting yourself on the back for being ‘so naked’?

      Really?

      Like really?

      Gurl!

      Lemme even go and read what has you all squirting on yourself. It better be good, I hope to God it is. I so do hate to waste my time on mindless drivel.

      • highlandblue says:

        She almost regretted putting herself out there. And the comment wasn’t anonymous. So yeah, go and read. This is no arena of literary gladiators, just heartfelt writing.

  2. Terry says:

    Hmmm, words won’t suffice…& time’s a concept humans created, love will still find its way in your heart, just don’t be quick to shut the door. Kiss

  3. Diva says:

    Dammn! Now this is deep! So familiar ….

  4. Karrueche Tran says:

    I can relate.

  5. Eva says:

    Am I reading the story of my life?

  6. IllusionistXV says:

    Honestly impressed. Good one!

  7. Anonymous says:

    I don’t know how i got to this place this morning. But i hate this blog post. I hate it for all of it’s closeness and the thoughts and questions and…It’s a lovely write-up but I hate it..

  8. Jk_McDazzles says:

    Reading this post again brought back all the thoughts and annoyance and sighs it gave me the first time..
    So familiar, so unfair..
    Thanks Ij for writing.

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