I Miss You (Part 8)

What does it really mean when a girl misses someone? The journey to find out continues below…

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I miss you. The smart money says I probably shouldn’t, seeing as you ain’t mine no more…but I do. Perhaps I ain’t so smart after all…:)
Losing you was premature, but after what happened it was inevitable.

I day-dream about us a lot. I conjure up all sorts of scenarios that would make us belong to each other again, then I think about how ‘”a leopard never changes its spots”. Then I think about the times I was the leopard… and how I have never accepted those were my spots to begin with.

Have I judged you too harshly? Should I be judging you at all? It’s hard to think clearly. The throbbing of my heart each time I think of you echoes too loudly in my head. I can’t sort out the issues. I dunno how to fix ‘us’. I dunno if I CAN…or if I should.

Remember when I told you how calm you make me? I could almost say I knew what “peace that passes understanding” meant… We’d be sitting in a cab, in traffic… and naturally I’d be stressing about everything and anything. The heat, the traffic, your not having eaten anything, the heat, being late, the heat, etc…you’d just put your hand on my lap and tell me to calm down. With that voice…*sigh* everything would just be ok. Just like that.

I would never describe myself as ‘serene’ but when I was with you that was what I was. Even more amazing was the fact that it didn’t make me any less of a passionate being.

I miss you.

Remember when we had that fight. It was a stupid one cos we didn’t actually say anything…I think you upset me and/or I upset you and then we just didn’t speak to each other till we got home. I stomped upstairs to the flat with some major huffing and puffing, plus some mad attitude thrown in, lol… then out of the blue you sent me a message, apologising.

My heart melted.
I had to find you. So I came down again. It was really dark…but I found my man. Then we said sorry and kissed…and then just hung out.
We were leaning by some car, messing about and just generally talking absolute bollocks and then this older dude comes out and says we should move. We laid into him! It was SO much fun. I felt like an obnoxious teenager. Haha.

We did move in the end but I had so much fun it didn’t matter.

I miss us.

Remember how happy you made me? You said happiness made me glow. Everyone said I glowed. I said you made me happy. I have not come to terms with the possibility that I may never have that again. Some days are easier than others. I remember you with a smile. Then I feel the flicker of a glow…ready to be fanned back into flame. Other days…*sigh*, other days are not so easy. I don’t cry so much anymore though. Surely that’s a good thing?

Sometimes I think about how we may never have Eden… and then my heart breaks all over again.

I shouldn’t miss you, but Ede I really do. 😦

Annie

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2 thoughts on “I Miss You (Part 8)

  1. 0latoxic says:

    Heart-warming. Nearly heart-wrenching. Very sad, yet very sweet.

  2. Jk_McDazzles says:

    “..Happiness makes me glow..”
    Such sweet young love, when the world was at our feet and there’s only so much to reach out to..
    Somehow this post reminds me of Charlie & Sam in “The Perks Of Being A Wallflower”

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