No I do not know what possessed me to ask to write a guest review. I have no idea how to go about this so forgive me if I’m a little all over the place.
Let’s see… 2012 started with no New Year Resolutions as usual. I haven’t made those since I had to hand them in in primary school. Instead this was the year I decided to come out of my shell and see what noncompulsory human contact was like.
In March I turned *coughs* and spent the day taking exams, definitely nothing sweet about that. I had to delay the “party” till April (didn’t want one but it’s supposed to be some sort of milestone no? *shrug*). We went to the beach and I wanted to walk into the Atlantic but my phone decided to be my proxy. I ended up virtually phoneless till August.
Sometime after my parents issued an ultimatum. Neither of them is very literaryminded (if there is such a thing) so they do not understand that while laziness is a factor it’s not what prevents me from writing consistently. They said if I did not have anything worth publishing before I turned 17 I was on my own and would receive no further support in that area from them, afterall what better way to gain recognition than to be young or die just before or after your work is published? That was my first meltdown. A panicked phone call and many tears later I finally pulled myself together. There’s a reason I write, better ink spilled than blood and because I can.
I subsequently found out about blogs and opened one in May and that has perhaps been my best decision this year. I write for myself but at that time I needed buttressing and seeing people appreciate my work provided that. Now I’ve come to terms with their decision and I’m okay with it. Que sera sera.
Father moved to Lagos in June joining Mother and I after over 2 years of the three of us living relatively apart with me in boarding school, Mum in Lagos and Dad in Osun. Absence does make the heart grow fonder but it’s never enough. His job has called him back to Osun again this December.
Next up, I finished my diploma in Law in August and suddenly the road I was looking down was not the way I had imagined it would be. The diploma was supposed to be a detour. I had never wanted to study Law, not as a first degree anyway and after playing hookie all second semester I had just enough points to get into the next year but not transfer or do much else, at least not without losing a year in the process. It didn’t help either that subtle threats were coming from the parents’ corner. So here I am on the way to Meltdown 2 and another phone call to my “roll modem” this time helped me get my act together by showing me that it’s not the end of the world and that I still do have options. Now I’m a determinedly cheerful Lawyer-in-the-making.
September can best be described as one long manic-depressive episode. I was bored to tears, forgot what reality I was in and tried to get an internship somewhere, without “connections” though I had those. Hilarious I know, this is Nigeria we’re talking about! When I saw I was getting nowhere I remembered just how old I was and what I was doing lethargy set in. I became apathetic. Getting up from bed, or the couch to be precise was a struggle. It didn’t help matters either that my parents found out I was religiously undecided thanks to my big mouth and the easy relationship I enjoy with them most of the time. More threats ensued. No one wants to expend time and effort raising a wanton. Fortunately preparations for the new session put a stop to all that and my parents are committed to gently but firmly help me find God now with morning devotions etc.
This year showed me that I’m both stronger and weaker than I thought. After years of being on medication I forcefully pulled myself off it and though there were times I’ve wanted to give in to the pain I’m still here and stronger for it. Also despite the added exposure of being in the university I’ve been able to stand firm in my resolve to neither drink nor smoke. I’m weaker in that by opening myself to people I’ve gotten hurt but that’s okay, I’ve found some amazing people along the way too so I can’t be sad. They say Hearts are beautiful with more scars afterall.
I learnt also that Life is fragile. I’ve seen life brought to this world with fanfare and ripped away unceremoniously leaving pain and shattered hope in its wake. But life is also resilient.
“We can’t always hope for sunshine, we must see the beauty in rain”.
Thank you Papa Efe and I’m sorry I was so tardy with this. Have yourselves a wonderful new year in advance, people!
When I met this pretty retired hermit this year, I could see all the beauty and intelligence just simmering beneath the surface, waiting to burst forth on the world scene. I’m watching you Dolapo. We are all watching you. Much love dear and thank you for writing this for us to see you up close and personal.