2012 was my year of Emancipation and Self discovery… My first year of independence, me making the rules and boundaries, my transition into adulthood…
Thinking back to the 1st of january, sitting on my bed and writing in my diary (that was the last time I wrote in there) Had everything planned out, had a clear picture of who I would be and where I would be by December. However, nothing happened as planned; things changed, situations were different.
I did my youth service this year, and instead of completing it in Taraba, where I was posted, I got redeployed to Benin Edo State. I served along side some girls that made my service year all shades of amazing. It was a wonderful time, filled with joy, sadness, love, “beef”, pain, fun and what have you.
The independence, O my, finally! No parents, no school, no preying eyes of neighbours and family. I was free! So free!!!! I could do what I liked, when I liked, how I liked and with who I liked! What more could a girl ask for?
My year of a couple of firsts. I partied and drank so much, got bored of partying in Benin and went to Warri for something different 😀 Tried almost everything… I mean who was there to caution me but myself? Sometimes it all got into my head that I almost messed things up, tiptoed dangerously close to lines I drew for myself but thank God for self discipline, and by his grace I didn’t do anything I regret.
Was it fun all the way? Nah… Far from that! Very very far! There were times I hated my life so much that I wanted to give up on everything and throw all the caution to the wind. Times friends hurt me so much that what I felt could be likened to what Jesus felt when he was betrayed by Judas, so sad at times that I searched earnestly for something to be happy about. I felt so cheated and used by family and friends that I doubted my worth. I was so let down and disappointed by people that I cried like a baby! I felt so cold and alone at some point that I thought even God didn’t care about me. Those that committed suicide and cut themselves felt like kindred.
I put on a happy face through all this that it was hard to believe that that all this was on the inside. Through this, I learnt I’m not just any other being. I understood I was made to stand out in the world, to make a mark in the lives of those around me in one way or the other, to put smiles on the faces of people because there is hope for tomorrow. I learnt never to change my principles or lower my standards for anyone in my life.
I always looked forward to the happy moments where all the pain and sadness would seem like a lifetime ago. Some wonderful friends came through when I needed them the most and encouraged me to keep going when all I wanted to do was give up. My family also stood up for me and with me. And God, my ever present help, even in my unfaithfulness, was beyond faithful. He raised from the “littlest” of persons to people in high places to be of help to me, sprung up wonderful surprises when all seemed dark, provided for me when all hope was lost and always kept me safe no matter where I was.
I learnt so much this year, about who I am, my values, life, God, friends and relationships. Met so many interesting people that have in one way or the other helped shape my thinking into what it is today. Even if things did not go according to the guidelines I set down in January, I still feel fulfilled and accomplished.
2012 has to be one of the best years of my life. A year defined by those unforgettable precious moments that seemed little and insignificant but made the most difference.
I can’t wait for 2013! I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be amazing, because there’s so much greatness that has been deposited and nurtured in me up till this moment that I cannot wait to start expressing myself.
Efe thanks for this opportunity, you have been a blessing to me in more ways than one :* God bless you.
Shout to my number one girl, Okaima (@kimeclectic). Thanks for being you, you the best! Thanks for helping out with this :*
Wishing you all a very merry Christmas and a very fruitful new year in advance!
See me waiting in vain for the word boyfriend to pop up in this post. Lol Thank you Toyin.
Raji will continue the parade of extraordinary females tomorrow on here at noon. See you! 🙂