Kovie (@Kovieparker) is my co-writer here on 19th Street (you know, the smaller version of Betty and Banxman X_X)
“You do know that at some point, you’ll need to see a doctor and have that looked at right?” It wasn’t the first time I was being asked this question, I’d heard it a lot with slight variations over the past few years. However, this time I REALLY heard them and where previously I had closed my mind to doing anything about them, now I was willing to make an effort. “Will you go with me?” I had asked by way of a reply. “We are in this together” was the response that not only brought a smile to my face but gave me the confidence I needed to face my fear.
Fast forward three months later, I’m lying on a slab in a theatre room, my eyes are open and I watch as the surgeons ‘work’ on me. It takes a little over two hours but they finally take out all six lumps that have invaded both my breasts. I’m not supposed to feel any pain but for some reason I do. Each incision is a battle with my insecurities. To ‘manage’ the pain, I allow my mind wander; I think of the number of times I’ve developed cold feet on my way to a doctor’s appointment, of how many times I’ve shielded my friends from my ‘chickenheartedness’ just so I could avoid another awkward talk, the many times I’ve tried to hide my agitation, distress, fright every time the ‘C-word’ was mentioned, my apprehension about having scarred breasts. Then the tears come, but not as a sign of weakness, for as I’ve come to learn, tears sometimes can be life’s method of cleansing the soul. The surgery finally is over, the battle is won.
This procedure is only one of the many battles I had to fight this year. Only one of the many fears I had to face. The tears that came were just a few of the ones I shed this year. The pain, only one of the many I felt this year. But each battle won, each fear faced and each tear shed has made me stronger, tougher and ready to face what else life has to offer.
If some years are seeds and some are rewards, this one was definitely a seed.
2011; Everything that could happen did; all that could go wrong and good times too. I’ve cried and laughed just as hard.
Lost a few friends, gained some more.
Someone died, my god-daughter was born.
Passed my Bar finals, donned the wig and gown.
Lost faith in my government, still obeyed the clarion call and served my nation.
Another heartbreak, found love.
Got jaded, picked up a hobby.
Had a crush, fell in love with a voice.
Got broke, started a business.
Daydreamed, reached a goal.
Lost weight, gained it back.
Left Facebook, joined Twitter.
Wrestled with God, built up my faith.
I’ve been through every emotion imaginable, I’ve fought my inner demons, confronted my worst fears, given in to passion, taken a stand and become a woman. I’ve learned and I’ve grown. So here I am at the end of the journey that is 2011, with a smile on my face and a glass in my hand. I make a toast to the year gone by with hope for the one soon to come, for “to him that is joined to the living, there is hope”. A recitation from primary school comes to mind; “Whether the weather be hot, whether the weather be cold, whether the weather be hot or cold, we’ll weather the weather… Whether we like it or not”.
I know few people as strong as you, Kovie. Tomorrow, we roll with Georgina. Do not miss it. 🙂