Why am I still alive? That question’s relevance, if not already obvious to those able to read this, is made all the more relevant by Bule (@Bule_jr) in today’s post.
The year all my dreams were to come together and start taking shape.
The year I was to start to seeing the traits of all that I have dreamt about myself start to show some fruition. *sigh*
Instead it just turned out to be a drag (of some sort).
It started brilliantly. I finished NYSC on a high and then got back home where I realised I had issues in my life that work and activities had helped me hide. Staying months at home without work opened up a can of worms in my life and I had to start dealing with them, one worm at a time.
I’m still grateful to God because I look at myself and see what others are facing and I get a real slap back to reality.
My Lowest Point came on Aug 14 when I ran into a trailer coming home from a friend’s place. Saw my life flash before my very eyes and thought I was dead. Walked out of that car with little pains but psychologically I became a mess.
I thought I had dealt with those issues and was over them but the trauma the accident caused just opened up old wounds all over again.
The result: Knowing Life is too short to NOT just Live and let Live, Make impacts and leave footprints in the sands of time.
It amazed me how the last thoughts before I hit the trailer were that of people I had wronged in one way or the other and hadn’t ironed things out with. Let’s just place those in the folder of lessons learnt.
Regarding High points, from the low-points, my life has flattened out sort of like a plateau and I REALLY can’t pinpoint any. When I started getting to a good place, November came and if anyone had a shittier November than I did I would really love to hug and tell you it would be ok. I can’t go into details because they are too personal but that just ensured my happiness flattened out. If I am to go out of my way to think of my happiest moments, they would have to be all the Voicenotes my nephew and niece keep sending me weekly. They get me all happy and sad at the same time but I make do with that. 😀
My Program in school started and for once I’m thankful for the workload because it helps me to forget the mess I call my life now. Any one day break I have to just chill, the thoughts, ideas and emotions come back, flooding my thoughts. I realised recently that suicide isn’t so far fetched as many make it out to be (yes I have thought about it and yes I’m too much of a chicken to do it) but I’m just saying.
I am grateful to GOD for family and friends (the actual ones). They have been amazing. At every point in time when I’m in one of those moods, one just calls or IM’s and gets me to talk and I feel better. I can’t mention names but you all know yourselves and here’s me saying I LOVE you guys from the bottom of my heart and cherish all that we share together.
2011, as bad as it seems, has made me stronger, I have little or no doubt that I can face anything this world has to offer. I am not fazed by fear, Such lessons learnt when one is down are the same ones that keep you standing when you are at the top.
I’ve got 26days left in this year and I have promised myself to make the best use of it and have a blast. Nothing can stop me from being happy. NOTHING.
Here’s to a better 2012.
Tomorrow on Day 4, we welcome Moyo to the 30 Day Parade. Don’t forget to subscribe if you haven’t. See you… 🙂