Hello People! This week’s post is written by Kovie (@Kovieparker) and myself. Have you ever felt held back by forces beyond your control? Enjoy!!
My head is spinning!
Calm down Marie. Calm down! Get a grip silly! Okay I’m calm. Actually I’m trying to be calm.
This cannot be happening to me. Not again! I have to do something. Anything! Marie, say something! Don’t just stand there. Open your mouth, form the words. SAY SOMETHING!
My palms are sweating. My legs are shaking. My lips quiver just a little. Good! The words will come now. I part them to make way for the sound. Nothing. I try again, yes something is coming out now. Oh no! Not that word. I quickly shut my mouth. My eyes are burning. Make them stop! The tears are coming down now in trickles.
This is the part where I turn around. I make for the door. I don’t want you to see my tears. Oh damn these sniffles. You already know. I open the door with shaky hands. Now my feet pick up speed, I’m running. Running away blindly. Out of the room, through the gates, onto the street. There’s a cab. I wave it down, slump into the seat. Finally I speak, “Take me away sir. Take me far away from here”.
As I lay in bed moments later, the scene replays in my head. Your message, “Marie can you come over? We need to talk”. I should have known. We have fought this for six months now. You’ve become a part of my life, a friend, a confidant, a pillar of hope. Through the war I’ve kept a brave face, refusing to let it win. Today I finally knew. I lost. Your words, “Marie, the results are back”. I knew. That look in your eyes. “The cancer spread. The Chemo couldn’t stop it. I’m sorry…” I didn’t hear anything else.
My head is as peaceful as the graveyard. Everything seems in slow motion as I walk you home. Nothing is said but everything is known. It would be less embarrassing if you couldn’t read my mind to know exactly what I was thinking. But you can, and I know you can.
We were so perfect together. Eye contact was all we needed to know we were in love. The future together seemed as certain as a day in our shared memories. We related as re-united, long-lost twins. We seemed to make perfect soulmates. Until I asked the damning question.
You could not summon the courage to answer. You asked me to give the reply to my own question for myself. Even before my lips opened I knew there could only be one reason you would be so scared as to bounce my question.
I was a sickle cell carrier and so were you….